Mr Jodo 2: The Two Twi'leks
by Chryseis Fett
Summary: Sequel to Mr. Jodo and the Lord of the Bounty Hunting. Jodo and Greedo continue their journey to Skywalker Ranch, guided by the Deranged Fanboy, while Fett, Dengar, and Zuckuss help Jabba the Hutt avoid financial ruin.
1. Prologue

Author's Note: I would like to thank you all in waiting patiently for me, seeing as how this is three months later than I promised you.... As a matter of fact, I probably would have forgotten entirely about this if a certain someone hadn't gently reminded me. Thank you, Infamous, for putting me back on track.

Secondly, I was just rereading Part 1 and I found a few minor mistakes that I thought I would mention. One is that in the commentary, Kast says, "Do you know you're the only Republican in Hollywood?" Well, I was wrong about that (or at least I think I was) and hope that everyone can forgive me for _assuming _a certain actor belonged to a certain political party. The second mistake was at the end of Chapter 13, in the preview of Part 2. I said that it's called "The Two Twi'leks" (which I have been misspelling as Twi-leks) because it involves Nolaa Takona and _Rystall_—I don't know why I wrote that, because I meant LYN ME. Don't worry, it was just a blonde moment.

Thirdly, this story was written as a joke, pretty much making fun of myself for "believing" (not really) in some ridiculous paranoid conspiracy theory about George Lucas hating Boba Fett. The story's theme was that George wants to destroy Boba Fett forever and break the hearts of his fans. Well, unfortunately, my "ridiculous paranoid conspiracy theory" turned out to be true, which makes my fanfiction more infuriating than funny. Yes, my friends, the Boba Fett of the original trilogy is now voiced by Temuera Moorison, and George Lucas has finally gotten his revenge. Way to go, George. I should force you to pay for my psychiatric bills, cause I think I need to see a shrink after what you've done to me. Lucky for you I don't believe in frivolous law suits.

With that said, let the story begin.

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THE TWO TWI'LEKS

BEING THE SECOND PART OF

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THE LORD OF THE BOUNTY HUNTING

SYNOPSIS

This is the second part of THE LORD OF THE BOUNTY HUNTING (well duh.)

The first part, THE EXTREMELY TEMPORARY PARTNERSHIP OF BOUNTY HUNTERS, told the story of how IG-88 discovered that the DVD stolen by Jodo Kast, a conceited bounty hunter, was actually the One DVD of Episode III, ruler of all the DVDs of Star Wars. It recounted the flight of Jodo and his...eh, _misled partners_ from the Kaadu Riders of Skywalker Ranch, until at last, with the aid of "Sava Brec Madak," the alleged Journeyman-Protector of Concord Dawn, they came through, _ooh, desperate perils! _to the Guild of Cradossk on Tatooine.

There was held the great Council of Cradossk, at which it was decided to attempt the destruction of the DVD, and Jodo was appointed the DVD-bearer. The Extremely Temporary Partners of the DVD were chosen, who were to make sure he didn't screw up his quest: to come "if he didn't want to be skinned alive" to the Cutting Room of Skywalker Ranch, the land of the Flanneled One himself, where alone the DVD could be unfilmed. In this partnership were Boba Fett, and Bossk son of Cradossk the Lord of Trandosha, representing, eh, a man and a Trandoshan; Dengar son of an anonymous drunken Corellian, representing the Cyborgs; Zuckuss son of Somegandsomewhere of the Methaney Mountain, for the Gands; Jodo with his lackey Greedo, and two people who were not related to him at all, 4-LOM and Boussh, for the collective group known as the Idiots; and IG-88 the Silvery.

The Partnership journeyed in secret (not that secret, believe me) far from Tatooine in Space, until completely befuddled in their clearly asinine attempt to explore Hoth on the very coldest day of the year, they were led by IG-88 through the completely invisible and impossible to find gate and entered the vast Spice Mines of Kessel, seeking a clue as to the location of Skywalker Ranch (even though they could have looked in the Yellow Pages of Hollywood just as easily). There IG-88, in battle with the Flanneled Spirit of the Film Business fell into a bottomless pit. But Fett, still claiming to be the founder of the ancient Mandalorians of Concord Dawn, forced the partnership to go on from the East Gate of Kessel, onto the dreaded starship Executor, and through space until they came to the planet of Concord Dawn. All the while they were completely oblivious that their "secret" journey was being watched via satellite by spies of both Count Dooku and the Flanneled One himself, and that the Crazed Fanboy, who had once viewed the DVD and still lusted for Natalie Portman, was sniffing out their trail.

It now became necessary for them to decide whether they should turn spaceward to Skywalker Ranch (wherever the heck that was); or should join Bossk in a grand Wookiee-Hunt; or simply vaporize, disembowel, or otherwise maim each other. When it became clear that the DVD-bearer was resolved to sneak out of this hopeless journey and complete the mission on his own, Bossk attempted to seize the DVD by force. The first part ended with the betrayal of Bossk by Feh—

Yes, Mr. Fett? What was that? A new definition of pain and suffering? Slowly digested over the course of a thousand years? Oh. I see.

Excuse me, I was mistaken. The first part _clearly _ended with the tragic death of Bossk due to circumstances that had absolutely nothing to do with Boba Fett knocking him unconscious and throwing him into a river; with the escape and disappearance of Jodo and his lackey Greedo; and the scattering of the remainder of the Partnership by a very slow and calculated and easy-to-anticipate attack of Durge-clones, none in the service of the Flanneled Lord of Skywalker Ranch, all of the senile Dooku of Raxus Prime. The Bounty of the DVD-bearer seemed already overtaken by utter, complete disaster.

This second part, _The Two Twi'leks,_ now tells how each of the members of the Partnership of the Bounty Hunters fared, after the extremely-forseen breaking of their partnership, until the coming of the great Flanneledness and the eruption of the Epic War of the DVD, which is to be recounted in the third and last part.


	2. Foundations of Flannel

CHAPTER 1: FOUNDATIONS OF FLANNEL

Fett sped on up the hill.

"Uh, Sarlacc Food? What the %&$# do you think you're doing?"

Fett paused momentarily and looked downwards. "What do you _think _I'm doing?"

Dengar considered it carefully. "Looks to me like you're speeding on up the hill."

__

Idiot, Fett thought in disgust, and resumed his speeding.

"Because I was just thinking that, well, since we're doing the &$# cinematic version, you don't really need to speed up the hill at all. I mean, we already know that Kast took off with the DVD and Greedo went with him, and that Boussh and 4-LOM have been kidnapped. What else is there to see up there?" Dengar cringed. "But it was just a thought."

__

Curse these blasted movie adaptions.

And Fett sped back down the hill.

__

"HAAAAAARRY!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

Kast awoke with a start. Greedo was leaning over him, his bulging black eyes wide. "Mr. Jodo, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, if you take a bath. And have you even changed your clothes once since Endor?"

Greedo fingered nervously at his turtle-neck collar. "I always wear this shirt, Mr. Jodo. As a matter of fact, all Rodians always wear this shirt. Why don't you ever change your armor?"

"Just shut up and get out the rope."

"Why can't we just use your fibercord?"

"Do you want me to vaporize you?"

Greedo whimpered and wrapped the rope around a rather large and sharp-looking rock. He had already tied two knots before Kast caught him, threatened violence, and made him tie the rope on a different rock. "I'm going first," Kast said, "since I'm the best," and down the rope he slid into chasm deep and dark.

Greedo was climbing down the rope after his idol when he had a sudden urge to sniff the Dark Side Compost that Lord Vader had given to him. He paused for a moment and pulled out the small box, popping open its lid and lifting it to his nose. "Ahhh," he sighed dreamily, imagining the weeds that he could grow. At that moment, in his drugged stupor, he dropped the box. It and its precious contents went tumbling down into the mists below. "Jodo!" he shouted frantically. "Catch it!"

From below came the reply. "What? OK.... I've got it—oh, great! AIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

"MR. JODO!" Greedo screamed. "Oh, no, what have I done?"

"Greedo, you %$& idiot!" came a long, angry call from within the mists. The Rodian squealed in surprise as his companion began to shake the rope, eventually dislodging him and sending him screaming towards the ground. He landed on his rear, hard, and bounced a few times. Kast threw the box at him in disgust. "What's in here, anyway, that's important enough to get me killed?"

Greedo displayed his most innocent smile. "Seeds."

Kast slung his blaster rifle over his back. "Get the rope and let's get moving."

"But this is one of _my _knots, Mr. Jodo, and you know how good I am at tying knots. I'm so good, I haven't been able to change my socks in months." But Kast gave him such a furious glare that Greedo hurriedly gave the rope a good tug. Much to his surprise, the rope immediately came undone, seeming to fly through the air towards the two bounty hunters. The second it hit the ground, the rope snaked up and wrapped itself around the Rodian's neck. Greedo's eyes bugged out of his head, and he staggered around, trying to free himself.

"Real Dark Side rope," Kast said in amusement, and started the long journey.

"Mr. Jodo," Greedo gasped, "help. . . ." Kast ignored him and kept walking, and Greedo was forced to chase after him, still trying to loosen the rope's grip. "I . . . can't. . . ." He abruptly blacked out and crumbled to the ground. The rope unconstricted itself and formed a tidy pile on the ground, which Kast slung over his shoulder.

"Come on, Greedo, we've got a long journey ahead of us." The Rodian awoke with a moan and crawled after his idol.

"But Mr. Jodo," Greedo whimpered, "where are we going?"

"You think I know?" Kast snarled. "If it weren't for Fossil constantly ruining everything, I _would _know where we were going! But no, I have to make a wild guess and say that Skywalker Ranch is _this _way—"

Greedo winced. "What do you mean by _wild guess_?" But Kast didn't hear him.

Soon the clouds above darkened, a menacing rumble filling the air. Kast cursed when a thick sheet a rain came down upon his armor, even though the tinkling noise that resulted was rather entertaining. It reminded him of a glockenspiel, which reminded him of the London Symphony Orchestra, which reminded him of his Harry, which made him scowl and curse even more.

"I'm tired," Greedo whined. "Mr. Jodo, can we stop and go to bed?"

"In this rain?" Kast asked sweetly, ready to kill. "Fine. If that's what you really want, Greedo, we'll take a nap in the middle of this rainstorm."

"If you don't want to," Greedo said, "that's okay—" but Kast had already taken off his jetpack and lain down under the shadow of a rocky cliff. With a sigh of emotional exhaustion, the Rodian lay down beside his friend and quickly fell asleep.

"Lucassss stole it from usss," a frightening, nasal voice said from the top of the cliff. A dark shape crept towards the bounty hunters. "My precioussss. . . ." It stopped directly above their slumbering forms and reached out a long, bony hand towards them, ready to snatch the DVD from Kast's cargo pockets. "It'sss _mine, _and we wantssss Natalie Portman!"

"Hee-yah!" Kast exclaimed, jumping to his feet, and grabbed the Deranged Fanboy's arms, pulling him to the ground. Greedo jumped up and hit the creature over the head with Kast's jetpack, which caused his companion to shout in anger. "You wanna blow us all up?"

Frightened by the reaction, Greedo froze for a moment, but it was just long enough for the Fanboy to leap upon him. Having seen a _few _other movies besides Star Wars, the Fanboy did his very best Gary Oldman impression and bit the Rodian upon the neck. Greedo screamed, remembering a scene from a John Carpenter film he had seen as a child that had traumatized him severely. "Mr. Jodo! Save me! I don't _want _to join the legions of the Undead!"

Using his super-fast reaction instincts, Kast whipped out his blaster rifle and aimed it at the Rodian and his attacker. "This is an EE3 blaster rifle, straight from the Blastech Company. You've seen one before, haven't you . . . _Fanboy_?"

Releasing the Rodian, the Deranged Fanboy let out a long wail of misery. "Feeeehhh—eehhhht!"

Meanwhile, back on Tatooine, Cradossk was sitting in a corner of his museum, whimpering and crying. "Oh, Bossk, my beautiful baby boy," he sobbed, "why oh why did you have to leave me?" He blew his nose on his jumpsuit, then stroked the wookie-hide belt that he had just found on Concord Dawn. "Oh, Thorossk, Great God of War on the Wookiees, why did you take my son? Why? WHY!

"He was strong, my boy, strong and merciless. The greatest warrior Trandosha has ever seen! And yet you took him. When he was but a hatchling, he devoured every single one of his spawnmates. . . ."

Cradossk's reptillian eyes flashed like the lightbulb that had just turned on in his head. "Except for one." He jumped to his feet, forgetting his tears. "No, Bossk, you didn't quite succeed to ruin me. I knew this would happen, and I was prepared." He strode down the hall, still talking to his dearly departed. "Yes, you thought that you had eaten all of your spawnmates. I let you think that. But I didn't tell you about the one I saved from the nest. I didn't tell you about your twin brother."

He stopped before the painting of Jango Fett wielding the Shards of Westar 34 and studied it carefully, searching through the watercolor stands for the face of a young human boy. "And for good reason," he said, and pressed in on the tiny figure of the child Boba Fett. With a hiss, the painting slid aside, revealing a dark alcove.

"Farossk," Cradossk called into the blackness, "my only offspring. . . .

"Would you like to see the suns now?"


End file.
